IS IT MY WEDDING OR MY MOMS! AHWWWW

A mom who takes control of their daughter's wedding day is nothing new. In fact, from the beginning, a mother's traditional role was to plan the wedding. But in our current wedding climate, 21st-century trends come into play and can turn what's supposed to be a beautiful union into a monster's ball.



CONTROLLING MOMS
Today, a mother's eagerness to have a piece of the wedding planning pie comes from a different place than it did when it was her sole responsibility. One type of mom is the controlling kind that is trying to plan the wedding she never had. Whether consciously or unconsciously, these moms start demanding that their daughter's wedding fit into a certain mold - one that was missing at their own wedding. Some of these moms try to re-create their wedding day vicariously through their daughter.

Here are many stories of what controlling mothers have done:


1.) Added her friends to our reception, some which we don't know. I'd like to point out that we have no room for any of our own friends.


2.) My mother got the bridesmaid dresses (i did choose which ones) and i was not allowed to see my sister/ any of my bridesmaids wearing their dresses. My mom said i didn't need to until the big day. My sister showed me anyway.

3.) My mother scrapped the wording of our invites and did it herself.


4.) My mother has booked the woman to do the cakes but we have never met her and she did it without asking or telling us.


5.) My Mother has apparently booked the Photographer and did not tell us, and I have no idea who he is, or what the photographs will be like....And my Fiance wanted his friend to do it.


 
EMOTIONAL MOMS
With a mother who has controlling tendencies, you'll be able to anticipate how she will approach the planning process. Bit it's the gentle, caring mom-turned-momzilla that can really take brides by surprise. Unassuming moms who then become obsessed with planning their daughter's wedding is a common theme. It's important to realize, however, that these sweet, loving moms really do have your best interest at heart and they are not coming from an evil place. While you've been thinking about your wedding since the day your fiance slipped that ring on your finger, your mom has been thinking about your wedding ever since she knew she was having a girl. Your mom has an emotional investment in her vision for the wedding.



WHAT YOU CAN DO
This is a defining moment in your mother/daughter relationship and you have to find a way to talk to your mom using the same people skills you have with a difficult co-worker, or, as ironic as it may sound, with a child. It's a great time to learn something new about people management and communication - not only to better the relationship with your mom, but also to make you more effective at work.



Above all, it's critical to be strong and protect your plans for the wedding that you want. It's all about being diplomatic and assertive and knowing how to best talk to your mom. With all the different feeling that a mother experiences during this pivotal point in her daughter's life, everybody is really emotionally tweaked. And you have to take it upon yourself to be the leader in negotiating how things are going to go.



So how do you find the fine line between being respectful and still efficient? How about sandwiching all the issues that are hard to chew on in between loving statements. For example, the first part of your discussion can be reflective of the fact that you do really love your mom, even if you are momentarily at odds. Then comes all the dirt, where you can raffle off the baggage you've been carrying around about your mom's intrusive behavior. Be aware, though, that using "i" and not "you" will be much more productive. You can describe what you are feeling by saying, "I'm experiencing this kind of feeling and it's becoming a problem for me and I need your help in resolving it," rather than, "Mother, you are driving me crazy." Once you've let it all out, close with another loving comment that encourages your mom to embrace a solution - one that will allow you to have the wedding of your dreams.



If a divorce and a step-mom are causing your mother to forget who should be the focus of your wedding day, keep in mind that her fear may be that she is being replaced by another mom. You can make the whole thing better by saying things that will directly and indirectly assure her that she is not going to lose you.



And if you really want to show your mom that you appreciate her desire to be involved in your wedding planning process, I encourage you to bring her along with you to Upgrade Events by Ingrid. Not only will she learn what it takes to plan a modern day wedding, she will have a good time and you will enjoy spending time bonding with her within the planning process. Afterall, she ultimately wants to share in the joy of planning your wedding with you.



However challenging your confrontation might be, don't lose sight of whose wedding day it is. Ultimately, it's your time to shine and you have the ability to create the environment you want to shine in